ME: The internet is slow today. My transmissions are not going through.
NASA: Meteor shower.
MICROSOFT: Solar eclipse.
EARTHLINK: Low memory.
BRUCE WILLIS: Maybe it's you.
ME: What?
MICROSOFT: Yeah, you should go to rural upstate Washington. No signal at all sometimes.
JESUIT PRIEST: Light is faster than stone, after all, that's why we call it 'light'.
BRUCE WILLIS [looks at ME]: Maybe it's you.
LEONARD MARY, M.F.V.A.: Yeah, maybe you should.
ME: What?
LEONARD MARY, M.F.V.A.: Shut up?
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